Thursday, 15 May 2014

Devils Due

Devils Due is a found footage horror thriller following the lines of Rosemarys Baby. It follows the newly-weds Zach and Sam, who find that Sams unexpected pregnancy comes with a few complications... namely the Antichrist. It's all pretty standard fare, except for the fact that...

It's a dreadfully boring movie. Its runtime does not even hit two hours, but it drags on for what seems like an eternity. At no point in this movie is the outcome uncertain, there is no intrigue to the story at all and it relies on jump scares that you can basically count down if you have seen more than one horror movie in your life.

The found footage gimmick is terribly worn out by now. I actually like a lot of found footage movies, Blair Witch Project is my favorite horror film of all time, and movies like Cloverfield and Chronicle are elevated by the style. This one on the other hand is not. Especially in the beginning it has so many cuts and changing angles that I wondered if they had just forgotten that the movie was originally supposed to be filmed by handycam. At some time in the middle one begins to wonder if this movie wouldn't have been better without it.

All in all, this movie is boring and just does not entertain or scare the audience. The only thing it is good for is picking it apart and having fun hating it. Which I want to take the time to do right now, in all spoilery details, so if you intend to watch this movie (don't!), refrain from reading ahead.

Readers ye been warned, so here it is:

How to survive if your unborn baby is the antichrist, according to Devils Due:

  1. Prevention:
You might think that the whole "The-groom-can't-see-the-bride-on-the-day-before-the-wedding" thing might seem like an arbitrary custom, but damn, better take it serious. Should you ever find yourself in a situation in which you feel the desire to creep into your fiances bathroom to catch her taking a bath... don't. It is strongly suggested that this leads directly to Antichrist pregnancy. Also, you are going to be surprised by the dog anyway (see 4.)

  1. Early recognition
So it's the last day of your honeymoon, you had a lot of fun and decide to visit a fortune teller, just for laughs. Should this nice old women suddenly start grabbing your wifes arm and babble on about being born from death, death omens and generally sinister stuff, do not fool yourself and think she was insane... They never are. Listen to psychics and mediums whenever you can.

  1. Early recognition
Same evening, you've lost your way and a friendly cab driver has offered to show you an underground party where you proceed to get totally wasted and wake up the next morning without any recollection of the previous evening. Your first instinct may be to ignore the camera that you have been using to film the whole evening, but you have to fight that. Even if you think that you won't have any footage of the evening because you clearly remember turning the camera off, check it anyway, because your memory is not to be trusted at this point and you probably got some perfect glimpses of shady rituals starring your unconscious wife. Also, if you check later, someones just going to steal the tape the moment you turn away to call a friend for help.

  1. Listen to the Dog
He knows. He could smell you when you were creeping into your wifes bedroom, he can smell the Antichrist growing in her belly and he can smell the hidden security cameras that the devil-worshipping Dominicans have installed in your house.

  1. Don't call the Police
They can't do anything. There could be muddy footprints all over your house, broken windows and writing on the wall that says "we broke in here and spread creepy salt and ashes on the windowsills", all a cop can do is write a report. Also, in an emergency, the 911 operator won't understand your adress. You are alone out there, so don't waste the time that you could spend listening to your dog.

Bonus Round:

This -> € <- is apparently a satanic symbol... now the whole financial crysis makes a completely new level of sense.

The explanation why our main character is in possession of a flashlight by a sentence that goes something like: "Thank god my brother gave me this Flashlight as a present." might go on to make history as the most unneccessary line in any movie ever... In a movie that deals with an Antichrist-pregnancy this is not the part that you have to explain to me.

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